Dating Can Suck…

This was sent to me by a reader and I thought I would share it with you.

By Dan Bova

1. Blabbing about your ex

He would never order the steak rare like you just did! OK. He would never think of driving a car like the one you do! Great. He would never wear a jacket like yours! Fascinating. Listen, we guys want to go out to dinner to get know you better, not the loser you broke up with two months ago. The more you talk about him, the more we’ll think that we’ve got “rebound” stamped on our collective forehead. And here’s a weird little guy trait you might not know: Trash the dude too much, and we might start to mentally take his side. Nobody could be that bad, we’ll think. You’re just being too critical, we’ll think. And worse, we’ll wonder if are you going to be this harsh on us! Because if so, what the heck are we doing splitting dessert with you? Why aren’t we out having fun like that dude who escaped before you henpecked him to death?

2. Asking too many finance-based questions about your date’s job

It’s one thing to take an interest in what we do, but save the “Does your company give you stock options?” Questions for a little further down the road. Like after you get engaged.

3. Not eating anything

My buddy Colin put it best when he said, “I have no desire to date Gandhi.” Going on a one-night-only hunger strike is just silly. It makes us feel like slobs when we’re plowing through a steak and you’re picking through a mixed green salad with the dressing on the side. Plus, they say that if you want to know how a person will be in bed, watch the way she eats. If you show no signs of enjoying sinful indulgences at the dinner table, it doesn’t exactly get a guy’s heart racing to imagine what’s to come a few dates from now.

4. Picking really expensive restaurants

On a birthday, sure, we’re totally up for blowing a paycheck on dinner. But on the first date? Not so much. Using men to take an unpaid tour of the Zagat’s guide is right up there with “running over my dog” as one of the suckiest first date misdeeds a woman can commit.

5. Acting like we’re boyfriend and girlfriend too fast

Guys get just as excited as you when they meet someone cool and fun who doesn’t appear to have any weird quirks like, say, being on the run from the law. But definitely leave him wanting more. Get too clingy too fast, and you’ll scare him off in a hurry. Nothing screams “psycho girlfriend” like giving him a cutesy nickname 15 minutes into your first date.

6. Whining about how hard it is to meet people these days

“When a girl is going on and on about how hard it is “out there” in the dating world, I can’t help but think, what’s wrong with this person that no one wants to be with her?” says my cousin James. Plus, it doesn’t exactly make a guy feel special if he knows he’s number 11 in the line of guys you dated that month.

7. Using us like a therapist

One of the great things about being in a long-term relationship is having someone to talk to when you’re down, a shoulder to lean on when you’re stressed out of your mind. But save discussions of unresolved issues with your mother for a little further along than minute 12 of your first dinner date. You want to leave him thinking, “Man, that girl was a blast!” And not, “Man, that girl was a drag!” First dates are all about having fun, right?

8. Acting flirty with other guys at the bar or, worse, with our friends

As I said, first dates are all about having fun, But not too much fun. There’s a fine line between being outgoing and being on the prowl for anything that moves.

9. Not having an opinion

Would you like to go see a movie or go for drinks? It’s up to you. Do you like Italian food? Whatever you want to eat. One of the major goals of a first date is to find out if two people are compatible. We want to find out what you like, what you think. So drop the overly polite act, and give us a peek into what’s going on in your brain. Now we’re not asking you to turn into Bill O’Reilly, but please, give us an opinion! How can we enjoy our rigatoni special if we’re afraid that you actually hate garlic and are allergic to red wine?

10. Acting too motherly

Oedipus dated his mother, and we all know how that turned out. Never mind the first date, keep the “You need a haircut” and “Button up your jacket” comments in check for the first year!

dating, relationships, first date, ex boyfriend, finance, Ghandi, Zagat’s, psycho, therapist, Oedipus, ,

..is in order i think. Now this goes for both men and women. “Date at your own level!”. I have heard this before although i don’t recall where. Let me explain. Ladies, if you are a lets say a seven (7) on a scale of one to ten, then be more than willing to date men who are within a seven’s (7) level. You are not held to only sevens (7) in your level. You may also go two steps higher or lower. So you could date a five (5) and be OK or you can date an eight (8) and feel like you won the lottery. Men the same for you. If you are a five (5) and get a seven, don’t blow it. If you get a three (3) be nice to her. She just may be the best thing that has happened to you. Now, here is the great thing about dating on your level. MATH!!!. It works like this, and this is for both men and women. You can have multiple partners as long as the total score for all partners is within your level. So a seven (7) could have a nine (9) OR a five (5) and a four (4) OR two fours (4) and a one (1). You could even have nine ones (1) if you wanted but I assume no liability with that one. So it is simple folks date within your level and be creative in your math.

dating, realtionships, men, women, mathematics, multiple partners, lottery,

We have all been dumped at one time or another. It can really suck. So what do we do to get through it??? Well my friends that is the question. A friend of mine recently shared with me one of her favorite break up songs so I am sharing it with you. What do you do?

You Dirty Rat

You never write, you never call
You just stand around and smile so happily
The government could never do
As worse a things as you have done to me

Well I should cry, but I’ve done too much already
I can’t lie, cuz you’re better at that than I’ll every be
And it won’t take us back to you and me
Being all in love
You call me names, and you’re never home
And all I got ta show is a kissin jones
You talk too much, but not to me
Cuz too much of this love I’ll never see

Well I should cry, but I’ve done too much already
I can’t lie, cuz you’re better at that than I’ll every be
And it won’t take us back to you and me
Being all in love

You dirty rat, you broke my heart
I can’t believe it went this far
Turn out the heat, blow out the spark
Oh…
Now I gotta say before it all gets said
I look alive but I feel dead
And as for us are we still good friends?
Oh, no, no…

Well I should cry, but I’ve done too much already
I can’t lie, cuz you’re better at that than I’ll every be
And it won’t take us back to you and me
Being all in love

You dirty rat, and I gotta say
You sure know how to wreck my day
Turn off the sun and walk away
Oh…
But now I just what to find
And who is who this next in line
And as for us, is there still time?
Oh, no, no, no…

dating, realtionships, Scruffy the Cat, You Dirty Rat, breakup, angry music, Alanis Morisette

What is it with some women? They think its OK to play dudes. OK OK, I know it goes the other way too. But since I am a guy i am not in the habit of playing guys. I am tired of being played. It seems that women (not all, I am not that stupid) have no problem playing guys. They tell you what they think you want to hear, lead them on, make them believe there is something there when they have not sincere intentions whatsoever. And just when the guy thinks all is well, BAM!, “its over”, “talk to the hand”. Well stop it ladies. While it is true that most guys are not as sensitive and feeling as women, some are. I have talked to a few guys over the last few days who have just been destroyed by lying conniving women. Whatever happened to genuineness and sincerity and honesty and integrity? Maybe some people need to relearn the golden rule.

dating, women, relationships, player, Golden Rule, sensitive, feeling, integrity, honesty, genuine

I have this friend at work. Great guy we get along famously. There is only one issue and it drives me nuts. Maybe some of you can relate and give me some insight. My friend has this girlfriend (they have been dating for over a year) who is EXTREMELY high maintenance. She will only buy clothes in Las Vegas cuz she thinks for some reason he clothes are better there. Its nothing for her to spend $200 on a pair of jeans. Anyway this is not so troubling as what I am about to tell you. This girl has been diagnosed as bipolar. As a psych major and social worker I know something about this. She believes that she does not have to take her medicine. Now this is all fine except that she becomes the BITCH from hell. Treats him like crap. Yells at him. She has been so mean to him, and he has become so stressed, that he had to get counseling for himself (thank heavens our employer has an EAP). The thing that I don’t understand is why he stays. I am looking for a little insight into why guys (or girls) stay with someone like that. It has to be more than just love. Help me to understand.

dating, realtionship, bipolar, Las Vegas, counseling, love, psychology, social work, medicine

OK, i am in need of some clarification on a dating issue. Here is the scenario. You contact someone really nice, you talk to them (online or by phone) for a while then decide that you want to go on a date, in fact they claim to be way excited to meet you. Since it is sometimes hard to work around schedules and what not, a specific date is not set at this time. You have just stated that you want to go out and BOTH parties state this. Then while you are trying to find a time that works for both of you in the not too distant future, they email or call (or have a mutual friend call) and say “I have found someone that I really like. We just met yesterday but I really like them and we are dating now”. Well, we kinda had plans didn’t we? OMH, me thinks that is some serious rejection (well maybe not rejection cuz you never went out… but still). What is going on here? Is this normal behavior? Your thoughts are appreciated.

dating, phone call, relationship, rejection, work, schedules

Originally posted in Jeremy Zawodnys Blog Entry - Dating Class. I enjoyed it so I’m sharing it.

Derek says:

There ought to be a class for people who positively suck at talking to members of the opposite sex.

And then continues with:

I mean, let’s presume for the moment that you were not the sort of person to pick up that social skill-set during high-school. Where exactly are you going to learn it in today’s society?

First impressions, especially on the topic of romance, are so terribly crucial, and if you screw it up, it doesn’t matter how much chemistry you and the other person might have had if given the chance, it’ll all be for naught because the first impression will have already been blown.

(See also: I Need To Think Like A Single Guy and Quantifying Derek’s Lameness.)

And then goes on to discuss the problem of today’s “dating scene,” including the lack of any good feedback when you’re rejected.

I certainly feel the pain. Or at least I used to. A long time ago I mostly gave up and decided that anyone really worth spending my life with wouldn’t be the sort of person who’s gonna blow me off after 20 seconds of conversation.

The fact is, every significant dating relationship I’ve had (or could have had) involved first becoming pretty good friends with the person before real dating kicked in (or would have kicked in–but that’s another story).

So that’s my recipe, for better or worse. I don’t really go to bars or parties or participate in the stereotypical “dating scene.” Remember, I’m a geek. I have an aversion to big groups unless I’m standing in front with a microphone. I’d rather stay at home and read something. Or go to a movie with some friends. I really don’t need all the fake pressures, expectations, and other bullshit that goes with the dating scene. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m a little surprised at how many people do put up with it.

Maybe that’s why Match.com and Yahoo! Personals are making so much money? Enough other people are sick of it too.

Of course, living in Silicon Valley and hanging out at the gliderport aren’t the most fruitful ways to meet single women. But that’s life. I knew that (on some level) going into this. And that’s fine, ’cause I’m really not in a hurry. I have no deadlines to meet.

Come to think of it, I’ve really never understood the folks who are in such a hurry to find and hook up with their soulmate. Not to pick on women, but I knew several in college who were in college to “get an Mrs degree” rather than to learn the advanced skills and concepts required to get a nice job. That’s all well and good, ’cause people are free to do what they want. But it always struck me as a little… I don’t know, dirty maybe? Misleading?

Amusingly, none of them are married yet, but most of my other college friends are. Trying too hard, maybe? I don’t know.

dating, relationships, match, yahoo, gliderport, soul mate, meeting women, feedback, romance, chemistry, rejection

Interesting reading. Check out this blog entry. The dating world sucks

While chatting online to some friends (and yes they are just friends), as i was talking to more than one, my 13 year old son said to me, “dad, you are a player”. This was a bit of a shock to me. It is true that I do date a variety of ladies, and some non ladies, LOL. However when I want to date just one person I do so. Anyway, I have never considered myself a player. Maybe I am. I would love to hear others’ definitions of a player. Is it simply someone who dates a lot of different women or is there something else to being a true player. Maybe I don’t want to be a player. Maybe I do. Please share you definition of player.

dating, player, chatting, online, ladies, friends

…I have spoken to many many women who seem to sit and complain that the guy they are dating is not so into them. Or at least not at the same level of commitment as they are. Well let me say this. Maybe the guys you are going for, are not the guys who will be committed to a relationship with you and your children (if you have any). Sometimes the ‘best’ guys are not the richest or best looking or best kissers. Ladies, (if you fit the above description) maybe you need to look past the bankbook or the GQ smile and find the guy that is gonna adore you and be committed to you no matter what (and I mean no matter what). Just my two cents worth and since this is my blog I can say it LOL.

dating, relationships, GQ, kissing, committment