Dating Can Suck…

Originally posted in Jeremy Zawodnys Blog Entry - Dating Class. I enjoyed it so I’m sharing it.

Derek says:

There ought to be a class for people who positively suck at talking to members of the opposite sex.

And then continues with:

I mean, let’s presume for the moment that you were not the sort of person to pick up that social skill-set during high-school. Where exactly are you going to learn it in today’s society?

First impressions, especially on the topic of romance, are so terribly crucial, and if you screw it up, it doesn’t matter how much chemistry you and the other person might have had if given the chance, it’ll all be for naught because the first impression will have already been blown.

(See also: I Need To Think Like A Single Guy and Quantifying Derek’s Lameness.)

And then goes on to discuss the problem of today’s “dating scene,” including the lack of any good feedback when you’re rejected.

I certainly feel the pain. Or at least I used to. A long time ago I mostly gave up and decided that anyone really worth spending my life with wouldn’t be the sort of person who’s gonna blow me off after 20 seconds of conversation.

The fact is, every significant dating relationship I’ve had (or could have had) involved first becoming pretty good friends with the person before real dating kicked in (or would have kicked in–but that’s another story).

So that’s my recipe, for better or worse. I don’t really go to bars or parties or participate in the stereotypical “dating scene.” Remember, I’m a geek. I have an aversion to big groups unless I’m standing in front with a microphone. I’d rather stay at home and read something. Or go to a movie with some friends. I really don’t need all the fake pressures, expectations, and other bullshit that goes with the dating scene. In fact, now that I think about it, I’m a little surprised at how many people do put up with it.

Maybe that’s why Match.com and Yahoo! Personals are making so much money? Enough other people are sick of it too.

Of course, living in Silicon Valley and hanging out at the gliderport aren’t the most fruitful ways to meet single women. But that’s life. I knew that (on some level) going into this. And that’s fine, ’cause I’m really not in a hurry. I have no deadlines to meet.

Come to think of it, I’ve really never understood the folks who are in such a hurry to find and hook up with their soulmate. Not to pick on women, but I knew several in college who were in college to “get an Mrs degree” rather than to learn the advanced skills and concepts required to get a nice job. That’s all well and good, ’cause people are free to do what they want. But it always struck me as a little… I don’t know, dirty maybe? Misleading?

Amusingly, none of them are married yet, but most of my other college friends are. Trying too hard, maybe? I don’t know.

dating, relationships, match, yahoo, gliderport, soul mate, meeting women, feedback, romance, chemistry, rejection

Interesting reading. Check out this blog entry. The dating world sucks

From a female reader

After conversing briefly with a gentleman on a dating website, I accepted his invitation to meet for lunch one Saturday.

Fearing for the safety of my children, I make it standard practice to not bring men I haven’t met to my home. So the plan was set for me to meet him in the Albertson’s parking lot and from there we would go to lunch.

As I drove into the parking lot I glanced around the area that I was to meet him and thought to myself “oh, he’s not here yet.”

Ok, maybe this wasn’t fair but I parked very far away from that area so that I could get a peek from a distance, just so I could have a chance to run if things just didn’t look right.

One of my favorite past-times in a crowded place is to people watch so while I was waiting there with nothing else to do, I noticed this little old, unshaven, dirty man sitting in his, I’d say 1980’s rusty old station wagon. He had used parts from other cars (different color cars) to replace the hood and one door that he had apparently picked up from the salvage yard.

My heart went out to him, I felt so sad. The little car was busting at the seams with probably everything he owned.

I watched him as he got out of his car. He went to the back, opened the hatch back and pulled out some of his belongings.

In order to close the door again he gave a couple of big shoves and held tightly to his belongings until the last second, when he quickly moved out of the way and slammed the door shut. I was impressed that he got the door shut without anything falling out. He then happily leaned up against his car and sat as if he was waiting for something or someone.

After this little show, I noticed it was way past the time for my date to show up. I wondered if I got the wrong time or wrong place or if I was just being stood up. He said he would be in a green car and I had not seen any green cars yet…. well, except for the partially green, white, red and rust colored car that the little homeless man had!

No, No No. I heard myself say over and over again. My heart started beating very fast…”Oh my Gosh!” He looked nothing like my dates picture. Was this man my date? My first inclination was to run, I said to myself “get out of here fast… he has not seen you…go!” …But then I heard that voice in my head, that I’ve heard Ohh… so many times, “What would Jesus do?” He wouldn’t drive away and leave someone feeling rejected.

I mustered the courage to drive over and say hi and when I got out of my car he walked up to me and placed a stack of papers in my hand. I looked down at them and they were all coupons to different eating establishments and each offered two free meals. “Pick where you want to go from these places, I won them on the radio.”

I wanted to say that I wasn’t interested but that voice in my head was still nagging at me. “What would Jesus do?”

Before I knew what I was doing I heard myself say… “Ok, I pick this one and I’ll meet you there.” Don’t get me wrong he was a very nice man but through conversation with him I found that he had been homeless for a short time, and he had been using the computer at the library to converse with women over the Internet. Needless, to say I later told him, that we didn’t have a lot in common but thank you for the nice lunch.

dating, relationships, homeless, Jesus, internet, junk cars, courage, restaurants

From a female in UT

I lost my testimony of “blind dates” when I went out with …we will call him, John. My mother felt it was time for me to go out on a date and so she set me up with …. John. He wore an orange shirt and short shorts and his hair was in the fashion of Albert Einstein on a windy day. I knew something wasn’t quite right with him when the first thing he did was gave me a very remarkable bear hug which I think a hand shake would of been just peachie.

The plan was to go out to eat and hit the local movie theater. I felt a little curious as we went threw the McDonald’s drive thru. Seeing the golden arches as they lit up the night sky and all the while wishing we could of gone somewhere a little more romantic I suppose. I was sitting rather passively in the car as John ordered an “Apple juice” and I thought and wondered..that’s kind of a sissy drink for a date….I am not dissing apple juice. Apple juice is full of all kinds of goodness and I would be happy to drink it any time of day…except for ….. a date. As we waited in the drive thru, John noticed that I gave him a weird look about the juice and he put his hand on my knee and said, ” You don’t have to worry about anything happening tonight, I am Gay.” Needless to say, I ended the night early and I never trusted my mother with picking my dates again…the end.

dating, McDonalds, blind, apple juice, relationships, Albert Einstein, gay, homosexual

While chatting online to some friends (and yes they are just friends), as i was talking to more than one, my 13 year old son said to me, “dad, you are a player”. This was a bit of a shock to me. It is true that I do date a variety of ladies, and some non ladies, LOL. However when I want to date just one person I do so. Anyway, I have never considered myself a player. Maybe I am. I would love to hear others’ definitions of a player. Is it simply someone who dates a lot of different women or is there something else to being a true player. Maybe I don’t want to be a player. Maybe I do. Please share you definition of player.

dating, player, chatting, online, ladies, friends

…I have spoken to many many women who seem to sit and complain that the guy they are dating is not so into them. Or at least not at the same level of commitment as they are. Well let me say this. Maybe the guys you are going for, are not the guys who will be committed to a relationship with you and your children (if you have any). Sometimes the ‘best’ guys are not the richest or best looking or best kissers. Ladies, (if you fit the above description) maybe you need to look past the bankbook or the GQ smile and find the guy that is gonna adore you and be committed to you no matter what (and I mean no matter what). Just my two cents worth and since this is my blog I can say it LOL.

dating, relationships, GQ, kissing, committment

I found this tidbit posted on the netscape love channel. just had to share it.

I went and met this guy from the internet. I know I’m an idiot, but hear me out. So, he tells me to meet him five hours away. He said he’d be filling up my tank and said we’d have the best time with unlimited booze. Since my car does well on gas, I said why not? I go there, and he gives me twenty-four dollars, a far cry from the sixty I was promised. Anyway, we drank a few shots. Then, ten minutes later, he said he was going on a beer run, which turned out to be a lie, and that he probably wouldn’t be back. So, I was pissed and drunk. Before he left, he did say I could chill in his cold living room since he didn’t want people to be in his bedroom while he was gone. He left me alone with his seven roommates. So, I decided to plot revenge. I was alone. Of course, nobody was talking to me. So, I did the unthinkable. He said no smoking cigarettes in the house. So, I emptied my entire ashtray (which was a cup of cola I had thrown my cigs in) in front of his bedroom door since he locks it. I hawked major loogies on his door. I urinated in a cup and tossed it on his door. Then I left him a hate letter saying I drove all this way for nothing and that he was the biggest, most selfish a**hole I’d ever met! Nobody knew! Then I left. The next day, he sent me an email. He told me that I was the ugliest person he’d ever seen, that I was fat, and that he didn’t really go on a beer run but had gone to his parents’ house because he couldn’t stand hanging out with me. He said all these mean things. So, although it did take twelve hours out of my life, I gathered this from my experience; From this day forward, I will never travel hours out of my way for a guy, especially one I hardly know. I don’t care how dope he sounds or what he promises. Beware, girls! — Diana, 21

Dating, Online, Travel, Smoking

OK, here is the question that I pose to you. In dating does age really matter? (assuming all parties are of legal age). I recently went on a date with someone quite a bit younger than myself. And while the date was nice, I often wondered if there is some unwritten rule of “appropriate age differences”. I have heard a few myself, like the two hand rule. Which states that ten fingers = ten years. You can date someone ten years either way and be OK. I am sure there are more rules out there. Please feel free to shared them with our readers.

From a female in WA

This is one dating story that was simply incredible. I have this friend who is a member of an online dating website. She has been talking to this fella online for just a couple of months. Well they finally decided to meet in ID. Here is the real kicker, after the first date they GOT MARRIED!!!!. I was shocked. Talk about first impressions being good. This dude must be one heck of a date. When I pick myself up off the floor I will have to remember to congratulate her.

Marriage, Dating, Washington, Idaho, Online Dating

This tidbit came to us from a nice lady via email. It is not really a story but it is funny none the less.

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don’t want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt.

Instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren’t as good, but easy pickings. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they’re amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men……… Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

apples, grapes, wine, men, women